not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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