hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
