I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
