just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
