apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
