I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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