So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
