hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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