you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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