it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
