if i can run in heels then i can drive
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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