I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize