I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
