I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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