I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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