You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize