New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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