Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
