I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize