She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
