i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
