Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So squirting runs in the family.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
