Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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