Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
