my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize