So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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