turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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