What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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