On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
