This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
