you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
