Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
