Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
