I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
