I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
