I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
