someone threw a dead crab at me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
