Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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