I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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