My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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