the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
