So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
