We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
