just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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