she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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