I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
