If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
