am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize