i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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