My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
