i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
