So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
