Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
