dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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