apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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