from now on my penis is your penis
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you never un-have a 4some
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
