last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
