ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
