so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
