She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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