it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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