My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
