btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
