does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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